The Tree Tale
I began this year at campus with one big question of life. My lecturer asked me to write an essay with the topic is : "Who am I". The first reaction, was like ... "umm.... well....... umm". I don't know why, but it's hard for me to answer that question. I broadened the question with Paul Gauguin's painting's title : "Where did we come from? Who are we? Where are we going?". I can actually say, umm, let's say..... I'm a girl... I'm Indonesian. I'm a designer. I'm a student. and I'm His child. But what makes me different than the other Indonesian, Christian, design student? What makes me different than the rest of my class? I know that God created each one of us unique, but sometimes it is hard to point it out by myself. Sometimes it's hard to find the right words to describe...
The task was actually just a foundation for the first project, which was creating a personal logo. And we had to make 30 logo sketches in just one week, and when all of my friends started to make the logos, I was still finding the keywords. It took me 5 days to find the keywords and 2 hours to make 24 logos HAHA. I found 9 phrases and keywords that I think describe me the best, and the keywords that will help me visually to create the logos. "Distinctive", "Expressive", "Philosophical Standpoint". "Idealistic Principles". "Otherworldly". "Sentimental". "Paradoxical Contradictions". "Intuitive". and "Committed". I started with "Philosophical Standpoint", "Idealistic Principles" and somehow I got an idea for the visual : tree. Roots symbolize the standpoint, principles, that will help me to stand out and stand firm in the industry. Committed can be easily visualized in roots. Then for the "Paradoxical Contradictions", the trees grow taller, and deeper at the same time. I was pleased with the progress and I simply made it as my logo.
Not so long after that, I was approached to be a president of the organization I'm in. It was on Friday Night. Then the next day I had to meet my senior in high school, to have a meeting for our movie project. We came too early and it was kinda awkward and then I started the topic : "Which one do you prefer? To fly or to be rooted?". I actually have asked this kind of question to my friends since mid 2014. Flying means you go higher or far away to reach higher, greater, things. To be rooted means you grow deeper and commit to whatever you're into. I've always wanted, to fly, to be honest. To travel, to leave this country and never come back, to study abroad. I was jealous when I saw my friends doing greater things than what I did. Few days after that, after I've made my mind to actually fill the form, I asked God and I prayed : God, what do you want me to do? What do you want for the organization? I asked, and asked, then I remember the word : Rooted. I remember the conversation and I realized if I ever be the president, it means I have to be rooted. Then accidentally I found the verses that resonate that vision. And I made that as the whole vision for the organization. It's not that I put my life and being selfish and put it for the organization, it's just the task from my lecturer was just a reminder and simply reminds me about the whole vision for the organization.
The day I submitted my logo project was the day of the Open Presentation. My friends start to point out the similarity in both. Few days after that, I saw a Photo Booth at my campus with the tree as the background. My friends started to laugh. And I was thinking, "well, this is just a coincidence". The next day, I was interviewed by my authority and then I heard about a plan so far for the university from the university itself with the same symbol I had for the presentation: Tree. I was like............ "Oh my....."
I realized that it was more than just a coincidence. And actually the interview just a reminder for me as I began to reflect my whole life and I started to look back and all the dots started to connect together. I've never realized this before...... But if I look back, I remember that 2-3 times in my life, since I was in the elementary school, in psycho tests, or in the school retreat when they asked me to symbolize my life..... I drew a tree. Even though I had no reason to draw it. I had painted a tree on my bedroom wall. I even want to name my daughter "Kiara", which has two meanings, "Black", and "Tree". I started to open my sketchbooks and journals and you can see there's no sketchbook nor journal I have (and believe me, I have a lot......) without a picture of the tree in it. I just realized that I've always loved drawing tree, the branches, the roots, the leafs. Probably one thing I've enjoyed the most in my drawing class. I feel pretty when the sun which light my face, filtered by the tree's branches. Even one of the first memories I've had was the imagination as a child when I pictured my life like a movie outside the church near my house and I stood under the tree and the 'camera' started to zoom out and I saw myself from the sky. And I've always imagined that when I grow old, I will sit on the bench near the tree and see a sunset. I feel like everything started to collide hahahah but everything started to make sense.....
The realization hit me as I realized....... I'm the tree. I've always been the tree....... I never leave my city for 18 years of my life, and never once I live outside my country. Since kindergarten 'til the day I graduated high school, I studied in the same school, the school near my home. And even though I graduated two years ago, sometimes I still come back to serve.... as mentor, as tutor, as anything..... I live in the same home, at the same street, since the day I was born. I've never had any other church since the day I became Christian. Design, media, christian things, and all the things are never new.... they've been in my life since forever. Since I was 9, I've always wanted to study design major, study in this university, and I knew youthcamp since I was 7 or 8. I'm the tree..... My mom planned to make me study abroad when I was 11, but God has another plan. I've tried to study abroad and leave this town, but God has another plan. I've tried (and I got) scholarship from another university, but once again, God has another plan........
I watch people around me as I observe and I always compare the story from the past, present, and the future. I'm always the one who remembers what most people forget. I never leave my ground as the people I love started to leave me for the same reason, they want to fly higher. As the men that came into my life has the same reason to leave.... For years my roots grow deeper and I do grow taller and now I start to see from higher views........
I'm the tree, I've always been the tree......
Is it just a coincidence?
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