And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones

12:30:00 PM Valencia Ng 0 Comments

"Breathe.
You’re going to be okay.
Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before.
You’ve been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you’ve survived.
 Breathe and know that you can survive this too.
These feelings can’t break you.
They’re painful and debilitating, but you can sit with them and eventually, they will pass.
Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon, they are going to fade and when they do, you’ll look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilience.
I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing, again and again. This will pass. I promise it will pass."
— Daniell Koepke

Never Ending Stories

9:57:00 AM Valencia Ng 0 Comments

Dear you, whoever read this,

Today is the second day of UPH Fest Day. I can surely say it feels like it is something that is really left behind. We are no longer freshman. We don’t really feel the vibe or the excitement far away from them. This year we are not a committee of anything, we are not a mentor, or anything that would make us busy today. But today, we are here, together.

Can you believe it’s been four years since our freshman days? How you wore white polo shirt with the scarf of your faculty. Like how nervous we were. “Will I ever have friends?”, “Will I get accepted?”, “What will I do in the next four years of my life?”. You know, such thoughts..

The first few months are the ones that we try to adapt from the old life (high school, old friends, etc) to the new life. Big bold change, brand new friends, all those activities that we can’t find in our high school. The first year we somehow ended up, either in the committees or communities that we participated in. But those questions somehow still ring even in the darkest corner of our mind.
But for some of bit something that I’d call as God’s plan, in the early months of 2015....... You chose to join SFS. And that’s how I get to know you. Like really know you..... We became family. We cried together. We fought together (and sometimes with each other). We held hands as we prayed, and worshipped God together. We were once strangers and somehow in one short year, God has put us as a family. God has put us to grow together.

Those are good days, you know. If I ever look back I can say that one year in SFS was the greatest year in my university days. Because I get to know you, all those 32 of you. And I know that as the batch of 2013, we became the big brother and big sister for our juniors in SFS. Because I see how God has been faithful to us. Because we get the chance to serve Him.

For now, maybe it feels like SFS is also something that is left behind (just like UPH Fest). I mean, of course, it has been two years. A lot of things have changed since then. SFS has changed to be SG, the rules and regulations have changed. The leaders of our ministry have changed. We no longer know the new students or servants in SFS.

We may not even see each other as often as we used to. We may not even talk to each other as much as we want it to. Some of us may still continue to have communities, to serve in SFS, but I guess most of us continue to walk our path alone...

But I do hope it really that this journey that you have to take is not entirely alone. You have to know that your sister and brother is here. You have to know that you still can share to us what your struggle is. You have to know that we can always pray for you. We can still walk together and not became strangers once more but walk as a family. I love this quote.

Family is like a tree. It can grow to many directions but the roots remain as one.

So just go on. Embrace this new life. Find the job that you love. Discover your calling. Study again if you want to. Be rooted in whatever you are planted. Go. Make disciples. We are still here. We will always be here. I, will always be here. I can’t wait to be there on your wedding days, and all those meaningful days. I know you’re gonna do great, meet newpeople, and I believe that God will always remain faithful in your life.

Balen 

Hiraeth

10:02:00 PM Valencia Ng 0 Comments

When I was a kid,
Home for me was a place
Where I slept next to Mom and Dad
Where I could feel safe
Where I was never alone
I always had cousins to play with
And free ice cream whenever I want

Then the home I knew got burnt
And it became yellow
As bright as the sun!
Replacing all the dull colors I knew

Home was always filled with noises
Of laughter, of screaming,
Or the honks of the car
It was never silent

Home got multiplied for the first time
When I was eighteen and moved out of town
Home became a blank white wall
And my sweet, sweet corner
A place where I could lay my head after a long day
I could be on my own now
The silence kept me asleep at night
The sunlight kept me awake in the morning

As I grew up I started to learn the important lesson about home
Home didn't stay in one place
Home can be felt wherever you are with your loved ones
Home can be felt wherever you are accepted

Not only by blood, not by biological means
Not by the relatives who were happy to see me gone
Not by the ones who asked me to leave whenever I can
Ironic how you began to redefine what family means
How you began to differentiate house from home

For months I have been homesick more than ever
Though I always stay at my own home
The same, old, familiar home I know
The noises remains the same,
But the noises inside my head are louder
And the heart remains empty as far as I concern

I have a hard time sleeping each night
So I stay awake til I can't stay awake anymore
Until the sun begins to rise each morning
No matter how many sleeps I take doesn't help at all
I still long for the unknown, for the uncertain
I still feel homesick for the places I've never been

Our home is in the next life, they say
Our home is wherever your heart is, they tell me
But maybe home is neither here nor there

Maybe it's true that home is in far away countries
A flat in the middle of the city, perhaps
Or a small house of the countryside
Maybe it's the place where I can  reach my dreams
The place I can  leave my past behind

Maybe home is inside your heart
Where you are most content with yourself
Maybe my heart isn't that pretty
Maybe my soul is too broken to begin with

But maybe, maybe,
Home is wherever you are loved
When you are not so lovable

If that so,
Why am I still feel homesick?

(#nowplaying Homesick- Kings of Convenience)