Hiraeth

10:02:00 PM Valencia Ng 0 Comments




When I was a kid,
Home for me was a place
Where I slept next to Mom and Dad
Where I could feel safe
Where I was never alone
I always had cousins to play with
And free ice cream whenever I want

Then the home I knew got burnt
And it became yellow
As bright as the sun!
Replacing all the dull colors I knew

Home was always filled with noises
Of laughter, of screaming,
Or the honks of the car
It was never silent

Home got multiplied for the first time
When I was eighteen and moved out of town
Home became a blank white wall
And my sweet, sweet corner
A place where I could lay my head after a long day
I could be on my own now
The silence kept me asleep at night
The sunlight kept me awake in the morning

As I grew up I started to learn the important lesson about home
Home didn't stay in one place
Home can be felt wherever you are with your loved ones
Home can be felt wherever you are accepted

Not only by blood, not by biological means
Not by the relatives who were happy to see me gone
Not by the ones who asked me to leave whenever I can
Ironic how you began to redefine what family means
How you began to differentiate house from home

For months I have been homesick more than ever
Though I always stay at my own home
The same, old, familiar home I know
The noises remains the same,
But the noises inside my head are louder
And the heart remains empty as far as I concern

I have a hard time sleeping each night
So I stay awake til I can't stay awake anymore
Until the sun begins to rise each morning
No matter how many sleeps I take doesn't help at all
I still long for the unknown, for the uncertain
I still feel homesick for the places I've never been

Our home is in the next life, they say
Our home is wherever your heart is, they tell me
But maybe home is neither here nor there

Maybe it's true that home is in far away countries
A flat in the middle of the city, perhaps
Or a small house of the countryside
Maybe it's the place where I can  reach my dreams
The place I can  leave my past behind

Maybe home is inside your heart
Where you are most content with yourself
Maybe my heart isn't that pretty
Maybe my soul is too broken to begin with

But maybe, maybe,
Home is wherever you are loved
When you are not so lovable

If that so,
Why am I still feel homesick?

(#nowplaying Homesick- Kings of Convenience)



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