Imago


I came back home at 5 am. After spending all night long at a junk food restaurant near the gas station. I put the wrong pickup address so I had to walk under the street light. It was dark and cold and I was tired. After one hour of blank paper, my mind couldn't work properly (maybe because of sugar rush, but it could be because of lack of sleep. I am sleep deprived for the past month). I decided to go home. Even though that day was the deadline.

As the ojek driver took me home, I started to see the dawn. How the color shifting from black to blue to the combination of blue and yellow. It was breathtakingly beautiful. Something that so serene and peaceful. But in my limitations as human, I was frustrated. I couldn't stop thinking these thoughts.

You, the Great Designer
The maker of Heaven and earth
The designer of its system
The writer of this grand story
From the tiniest detail of a microba
and chemical compounds
To the highest mountains
The painter of every single sunrise
The One who knows how deep the ocean is
The One who created the cycle of life
The designer of it all
Is it true that I was created in Your being?
I looked at my empty hands
Then why I couldn't create? 

As I scrolled to another artist's feed
Why I couldn't create? 
As I stared on my blank paper
Why I couldn't create? 
As I saw my crooked lines of drawing
Why I couldn't create?
As I spend any other night of not sleeping
Why I couldn't create?

 I know it seems ungrateful
But that was my 5am of desperate thought.
I went home and I decided to sleep

But humans,
The way humans perceive things
The way we work, the way we sleep
The way we see beauty
It is already a proof of how we are created in His likeness
Even the ability to think to create is actually a grace
And I only need to walk forward from this grace upon grace
Not desperately trying to look at my empty hands but His
Not desperately trying to achieve the perfection
That only can be found in Him
I only need to refer to Him
as designer seeks reference to the greater designer
I only need to look to the Greatest designer of it all

This time,
I will try to create again
I kinda have to...

A Pilgrim's Progress



Lord I'm tired, so tired of traveling
This straight and narrow
is so much harder than I thought
On this road, I've met both doubt and pain
I've heard their voices say
“Boy, you've given all you've got"

BUT there is a crowd of witnesses,
The ones who've run this race
Even louder than my fears they're crying
“Boy, oh lift your face. . .!"

“… Keep running, keep running
Don't look back, dont you give up now
Dont turn around
You've got to find a way somehow
Keep reaching, keep fightin
The pain cannot compare to the reward
That will be yours
That waits in store
for those who just keep running”

On this path, this fight for holiness
I’ve struggled and i've bled
Through these dangers toils and snares.
And i've got foes,
their sorry voices call
saying “Boy you're bound to fall,
with that heavy cross you bear"

I remember One who died to win this race
He took the cross, he crushed the grave
Oh I can hear my Saviour say…
“… Keep running …”

Don’t turn aside
No compromise
Just lift your eyes
To the glory that’s coming

If you’re like me
And you feel you can’t go on
Think you’ll never see the dawn
And you’re just about to break
Well don’t stop now
Know that every sacrifice
It’ll all be worth the price
When you finally see His face

Just keep running
Don’t look back, don’t you give up now
Don’t turn aside, got to find a way
Dig deeper, run harder
The pain cannot compare to the reward that will be yours
Waits in store, so take My hand
Because you can’t do this alone
Until you hear that sound
Until your race is complete
Find a way to just
Go running
Keep going
Keep praying
Believing
Keep fasting
Keep singing
Keep dreaming
Keep praying
He’s coming
He’s waiting
Arms open
So keep running.

- A Pilgrim's Progress (Keep Running), Matt Papa

I had a dream

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

I was a little girl alone in my little world
Who dreamed of a little home for me
I played pretend between the trees
And fed my house guests bark and leaves
And laughed in my pretty bed of green

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest swing
I had a dream

Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park
I asked God who I'm supposed to be
The stars smiled down on me
God answered in silent reverie
I said a prayer and fell asleep
I had a dream

That I could fly from the highest tree
I had a dream
Now I'm old and feeling gray
I don't know what's left to say about this life I'm willing to leave
I lived it full and I lived it well
There's many tales I've lived to tell
I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing
- Priscilla Ahn, Dream

Used to share the same dream. Look at us now.

Let me see Your face



Your weakness has you hiding in shame
The knowledge that you're not as strong as you thought you were
You're so afraid of what lies ahead
You're thinking how will you run over the hills with me

Well I'm not leaving you now
I'm still here

So let me see your face
Let me just hear your voice
Let me see the one I want so near

I see the longing under the fear
I see it in your heart to finish the race with Me
I know if you just say yes again
Together we can make the longing reality

Cause I'm looking ahead, I can already see you leaning
I'm looking ahead down the road, I can already see you trusting
I'm looking ahead, I can already see you running with me
I'm looking ahead, I can already see you leaning

- Let see your face, Jon Thurlow

In this darkness

Photo by Josh Nuttall on Unsplash


The sun rises each morning to uncover
One day is now another, where dark clouds hover still
Keep praying for a miracle to happen

To rise up from these ashes,
or at least that's how it feels
And time seems like the enemy
And hope so far away
And once again I'm on my knees
With no words left to pray

But in this darkness still You find me
And You draw me to Your light
Though the shadows deepen, I can see
In this darkness, still You shine

Was it like this in Your desperate hour
Did it take all Your power to endure all the pain
Was it why You chose to be an offering
To join me in my suffering
To meet me in this place
This night is not my enemy
There'll be a sunrise soon
I'm holding on to all I have
Lord, all I have is You

But in this darkness still You find me
And You draw me to Your light
Though the shadows deepen, I can see
In this darkness, still You shine

Still You shine through the rain and the rolling thunder
Shine in the eyes of a loving friend
Shine in my night, turning doubt to wonder
Shine as the light that has no end

- In this darkness, Ginny Owens

A Night Walk


Photo by Mark Jefferson Paraan on Unsplash


I remember how big the moon was
As we walked through the night breeze
Seeing your face ignited by the street lights
Promised ourselves we would go to this place again
I stopped for a while, feeling overwhelmed
Maybe this is what people are talking about
You stopped, looked back, stood, and waited
You. With your eyes. And your smile
It snapped me back from my daydream
As I believed I was living in one
As I thanked God and thought to myself
"Has it always been this easy? "

------------------------------------------------

I remember how big the moon was
As I walked through the cold, unforgiving wind
Seeing my shadows projected by the street lights
Promised myself I won't let myself be fooled again
I stopped for a while, feeling overwhelmed
Maybe this what poets try to warned us about
You stopped a long time ago, and never looked back
This time is just another goodbye, I'm getting used to it
You. With your eyes. But no longer your smile
As you said to me that we wouldn't make it
I still thanked God for your presence
For your temporary trace in my journey of life
As I walked I began to think to myself,
"Has it always been this hard?"

12.09.

For the ships that never sailed

Photo by Joël Assuied on Unsplash

For the ships that never sailed,
For the "almost"s, the "maybe"s, the "what if"s
The kind of thoughts that won't let you sleep
The kind of feelings that you try to bury deep

For the ships that never sailed,
For the different paths, different dreams
For all the children whose family intervened
For all the rocks that were thrown into the relationship

For the ships that never sailed,
For all the red signs that you missed
For all the hearts that were too broken to trust again
For convincing yourself, this time, it's truly "lessons learned"

For the ships that never sailed,
For leaving things unsaid between the lines
The "better timing next time"
The forced "see you" to soften the "goodbye"
The awkward hello if you ever pass them by

For all the premature beginnings
The unfinished endings
The unspoken feelings
The somehow-silver linings

For all the ships that never sailed,
All the comfort and the safe of the harbor
All flowers that died before blooming beautifully
All snowflakes that melt before reaching the ground
All the stories that never reached the back cover
This poem is made for you

Just because it did not go as it was expected
Does not make it any less true
They were meant to be the-in-betweens
To teach us to become better partner
Be grateful that it was over before it truly begins
Be grateful it did not waste more of your time
Or else you'd go and risk your heart
On a voyage with a person you did not belong

We'll be more than be the ones who got away
We'll be remembered more than midnight regrets
We'll be patient and learn not to rush things
We'll open new chapter dear, buy a new book
We'll find new places, we'll find new homes
We'll find the person to venture the sea with
And even if one day we still don't,
We'll always be completely fine to sail on our own
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