I planned doing this few months before. 2 days ago, I slept only 2 hours. Last night, I came home almost midnight (like only a few minutes before midnight). Tired? Yup, kinda. More mentally and emotionally than physically tired. 

So I planned to come back to meet Mama. She was cremated almost 1 year ago, and she died exactly 1 year ago. We scattered her ashes to the sea. Today, though I'm extremely tired. I took shuttle bus to Citraland, then I went to Harmoni using busway, changed the bus to Kota, then transit to another busway to Ancol. At Ancol, I took another shuttle bus, and walked to the sea. 

There's something about the sea that I always love. I don't know what that is. The smell of salt and the sound is something that always makes me feel like home. I guess sea absorbs our sadness and maybe that's why some people think blue represents sadness. 

I let the wind blew my hair and I said hi to her. I didn't know what to say, so I just talked about something that burdens my mind and soul. Then everything went quiet inside, and for a moment....it felt so... peaceful. 

I took another shuttle bus, and then a busway, then a bus, then took a long walk from Gambir to home. It's a long day. But I'm glad. 

I'm glad that I'm here today, stronger. I'm glad I'm surrounded by friends and family who will always be there despite how messed up I really am. I'm glad that I experienced grief, it made me who I am today

thank you, ma. Thank You.