pil·grim/ ˈpilɡrəm/ noun

a person who journeys to a sacred place for religious reasons.

synonyms: worshiper, devotee, believer

Pilgrim. Ah that word. I know it's not the usual word that you can find in 21st century. The first time I stumbled over that word was when I accidentally found a writing from Susannah Spurgeon when she wrote about her journey and relationship with her husband, Charles Spurgeon - the famous preacher from the 19th century. Me, being curious as always, ended up googling and I found out that The Spurgeons read "The Pilgrim's Progress" and it was assumed that the word 'pilgrim' in Susannah's writing came from their love of the book. Not so long after that, I downloaded the e-book version from Desiring God. 

I was quite surprised to find that I love this kind of book. I smiled when I read the protagonist named "Christian". I smiled even wider to read the catchy names of the characters in that book. "Hypocrisy", "Talkative", "Atheist", "Help", that blatantly describe their characters; or how Bunyan wrote the names of the places like "Valley of the Shadow of the Death" or "The Wicket Gate" that sound so familiar especially if you grow up being Christian. Though the book was written almost 350 years ago.

Though I love the idea of it, and though the Desiring God's version is the revised and abridged version of the original text, I still find myself struggle to read it to finish. Even when I highlighted all the names, places, and quotes with different colors! I don't know if it was because I read the e-book version instead of the printed one. Or if it actually could use some improvisations

Then I thought to myself.... maybe few illustrations here and there will be interesting. Maybe the color coding for every place or character will suffice. Maybe emphasis on important quotes or songs will help me not to be too distracted. 

And that's how it started. 

The next thing I remember I started finding more about it. Then proposing it to one of my lecturers through random conversation just a few months before my pre-final project class. Then actually doing a presentation in front of the class. 

And then how it went. 

I was quite overwhelmed by the resources I have. This is quite a legendary book indeed, concluding by all the commentaries and versions that I found. And I ended up failing to write it systematically. To be honest the journey hasn't been all sunshine but a rocky road indeed. Though I passed my first thesis defense I wasn't satisfied with the whole result. 

And now how it's going....

Currently I have one thing that I didn't really have in the trimester of design student life: TIME. Now I have plenty. (well not that plenty if you consider the amount of works needed to bring this to realisation but quite enough than most of my friends); The ideas spread quickly. 

But in the end, 

I guess what I want is the pilgrimage itself. Not only the best final project I could ever achieve but also a pilgrimage to get closer to my Creator. I thought of this from the beginning, will it make me understand more of God? will it make others understand more of God? Will it glorify Him?  

So I don't know why it feels like a burden. It feels like the burden to bring faith-related topic as final project. It feels like a burden whenever I do something wrong to those around me while carrying this message. It feels like the burden to represent this to others. Maybe because I relied too much on myself. I know this book is not the bible though it is frequently said "second next to the bible". I know that I don't romanticize this book as the best book I have ever read. But the whole process also made me question and re-question everything I know. 

I find myself in Doubting Castle, the part of the book that felt relatable to me. I find myself got lost because of the advices of Mr.Worldly Wiseman. I had a fear that I might be the Talkative, one of the fake pilgrims in this story. 

But I ended up understanding that the pilgrimage is not meant to be perfect, it just simply meant to be walked on. 

As I have to walk through the next few months to the finish line. As I have to walk through unknown path that He has made after my university life. As I have to walk through this life with some of the companions I've made along the way, even with the ones who left the way Faithful did. As I have to walk the way that is set before me. 

Christian himself was an unconventional hero for he was not perfect. He was laughed by his family. He stayed off the narrow path. He once wanted to commit suicide. He was distracted by a lot of things. But he endured until the very end.

And that's how I want it to be. 

Endure. Persevere. Until the very end. 

Fighting the good fight.

Finishing the race. 

Keeping the faith.